My First Wedding Fair

The last exhibition-type show I'd attended was the BBCs 'Big Bash' in...1996, so the world of wedding fairs has been something completely new. I approached the subject with care, as I was worried that the general feel of such an event would be 'find the hundred most annoying people and lock them in a room' and that, as someone with pretty much no money and an ugly body, those annoying people would go out of their way to make me feel uncomfortable. However, part of me thought it might be a laugh and, when talking with my mum and my best friend, Kirsty, we'd decided to head for the National Wedding Show at the NEC in March. So, wanting to see a smaller version of what I'd be up against and, as it was only £2, I made my way to a wedding fair here in Bristol last Sunday (the 15th). 

It was held at the Marriott Hotel next to Cabot Circus shopping centre so was really easy to get to, especially as Mike consented (after much sulking) to give me a lift in the Yaris. He point blank refused to step inside the fair though so, what with my mum and bridesmaid living in different bits of the country, I was totally on my own. I felt bad, not for myself, but for the poor guys standing outside next to the fancy wedding cars. Bad because it was freezing cold, and also because I can't afford a wedding car so I couldn't even go and talk to them. That really set the whole awkward tone for the day actually. Because the moment you walk into one of these fairs, you take on the quality of a frightened deer caught in headlights. You are, to all those suppliers, fair game. So the number one rule to live by at a wedding fair is DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ANYONE. Seriously, you make eye contact and you're a gonner. You make eye contact and somebody on a commission-based salary starts desperately trying to sell you something. You probably don't need that thing. You might not even be able to afford it. But now your stuck with the task of politely telling them to get lost. This led to me getting very acquainted with looking into the middle distance, making a careful balancing act between seeing what was on offer without looking like I was interested. It's difficult, but it's either that or listen to someone talk about fake tan for ten minutes.

Barely had I stepped into the warm and very posh confines of the Marriott when a man in a very elaborate suit and waistcoat combo thrust a leaflet in my direction. "Have you sorted out the groom's outfit yet" he asked. At this point, the 'groom' had gone back to bed in his pants and, having known him for over 3 years, I knew there was no way in hell he would put on morning dress for our wedding. I would be lucky to get him wearing the suit he's owned since he was 15. Of course I couldn't say all that, so I politely said "he's got his own suit, but thanks anyway", and on I went. You see - and it's obvious but worth pointing out anyway - the people at these wedding fairs want you to buy into the hype. They want you to want the sort of wedding you see on the cover of some vulgar magazine. They want you to want matching chair covers and table runners, and little bags of sweeties for your guests, and flowers from half way round the globe, a 5 tier cake, the designer dress, the creche service, the car, the list goes on and on and on. And if you don't want all that, if you're just there to casually chat to a florist about a tiny seasonal bouquet, like I did, then you will either get really frustrated or have a permanent fit of the giggles, again like I did when one lady gasped when I told her Mike wouldn't be wearing a tie.

I think what let me down about the whole day was how 'samey' it all looked. The dresses on show, and in the fashion show, were the same identical strapless ones you see everywhere. The cakes, which I couldn't even taste-test because of my allergies, were the usual massive things with fake flowers down one side. The cars, and I do actually like cars, were the rolls-royce and bentley. Now there's nothing wrong with a rolls-royce, but what if you want to turn up in an Aston Martin? I wanted to be presented with more than the 'safe' option. A wedding is a total blank canvas. It can be the realm of anything possible (provided you have the money). Yet so often we're sold the line that we have to look like and buy what everyone else looks like and buys. It just makes me a bit sad really.

Not that it was all bad. To end on a high note I met a wonderful photographer, and a wonderful florist. Now, I could also end on high note by discussing quite how naff the fashion show was, but let's just leave that for now. They did the best with what they had, bless them. No, what actually made the thing worthwhile was chatting to the wonderful people at 'The Little Photo Company'. www.littlephotocompany.co.uk. I was reluctant to go up to photographers because of how much money they generally cost. I didn't want to insult anyone by making a loud 'eeeesh' sound when they gave a quote. What hooked me on this particular set though was, when I went past, I was handed not a leaflet but a bright yellow DVD box. Now that, I thought, is clever marketing, just as I looked up to be greeted by perhaps the mot smiley photographer ever. My first question was did they cover Cornwall, at which point he gestured to the wall of photos behind him and pointed out weddings in both Paris and California. So far so good. Then the price. These people will do 10 hours of photography, covering everything from the bridal preparations to the last drunken rendition of 'hey jude' at 2am, and their packages start at £815. If you do the math that's £80 an hour, which is not bad really. My only problem is that I don't think our wedding will last 10 hours! They had three lovely albums of photos on their table, and I happily chatted to the guy whilst looking through one. I was particularly drawn to one of the black and white photos, which showed what must have been the groom and best man sharing a joke. I've found it difficult to find a style of wedding photography I like, because so many look like they've gone a little crazy in the post-processing, causing the photos to have an unnatural 'too bright' look. But these ones were genuinely very good. Above everything, they looked natural, and they caught all the fleeting little moments that make up the soul of a wedding. What really got my attention, however, was just how nice the guy was (and as you can tell I am awful at remembering names!). He had one of those personalities pretty much anyone could get along with, which is important if he's going to be capturing the most special day of your life, and I was very encouraged by this. I went home and watched the DVD, which contains a slideshow of their work, and all I need to do now is convince Mike that a talented, friendly photographer is worth the money!

It wasn't just photographers who got me thinking though. I was standing looking through my programme at the rather confusing way they number all the stands, trying to find a florist, when all of a sudden I smelt the gorgeous scent of fresh flowers. I turned round to be greeted by a big table full of beautiful arrangements, so I went over to have a chat. I caught the poor lady whilst she was trying to eat a biscuit, but she happily talked with me about what sort of flowers I was interested in. Again, my general lack of money reared its head, so I explained that I'd just be wanting a small bouquet for myself, a tiny one for Kirsty, and about four 'pots' of flowers that could be put on the registrars table and then transferred to the dining table for the reception. Luckily, this lady was not one of the typical pushy wedding vendors, but even agreed that it was silly having a different set of flowers for the ceremony and reception. We had a long discussion about what sort of style I wanted, and I was very happy that she immediately understood my ramblings about wanting a bouquet of various flowers, with foliage, and in 'muted' colours. She also immediately knew what was in season, and suggested fresias, which are my mum's favourite flower and which I'd love to include. In fact, we even started talking about non-flower realted things, as her sister was getting married and she was searching for a bridesmaid dress. As with the photographer, what impressed me most was how friendly and approachable she was, which again is important if you want a florist who'll help you create an atmosphere for your big day. The website is http://www.radisol.com/clifton-flowers/index.htm.

I left the wedding fair quite exhausted (you walk miles at these things and I'd had to stand to watch the naff fashion show) and rather nervous about the National Wedding Show in March. If I'd found this small Bristol fair quite so...odd, what on earth would something ten times the size be like? At least for that one I'd have the company of my mum and best friend, and there would be a lot more alcohol on offer. I think I might get a bit more practice in though, so I've decided to go to the Bristol Vintage Wedding Fair in February. After all, you don't know what you'll get until you try.

On A Delicate Dilemma

I've only been wedding planning for a month and already it's thrown up issues and dilemmas which normally I'd just tell to get stuffed but, because it's a wedding, I have to be all nice and tactful about. For example, I don't want a large wedding. The thought of walking into a room full of people I don't know and have them stare at me makes me want to throw up, and this is without considering the cost of feeding all these randoms. I thought Mike was on the same page, until he promptly announced that his uncle, aunt, and all 4 of his cousins from Wales absolutely *had* to be invited. When I asked why, he said 'just because'. This is the sort of illogical 'wedding goggles' nonsense I've always dreaded. He's not seen these people since he was a kid, and his cousins (who are in their late teens/ early 20s) are not going to want to enjure the 6 hour drive to Cornwall to be forced through a wedding of someone they barely know. I mean the whole point of choosing Cornwall in the first place was so we avoided all the wider-family-hangers-on as they'd be put off by the distance. I said maybe we could compromise and invite just uncle and his wife, but I got a 'hmpf'. I could understand if, at the same time, I was waving an ever-growing list of 'must have guests' in his face, but I don't even want most of my own family there. Hopefully he'll have forgotten all of this by the time we order invites, and I just write one for the uncle and that'll be the end of it.

Secondly I have to decide wether or not my dad will walk me down the aisle. Well it's not really an aisle, just a bit of the hotel dining room in between some chairs, but you know what I mean. My dad and I have never seen eye to eye and my gut instinct is that, as it was my mum who really shaped me into the person I am today, it should be her that I walk in with. And then there's a part of me that thinks the whole 'being given away' thing is a horribly patriarchal tradition, stemming from when marriage was actually a property transaction between the bride's father and her future husband, with the bride being the property. I'd rather sit in a bath full of leeches than start my wedding with something that says "this woman can't look after herself so I'm transferring responsibility for her to you". So perhaps I'll walk in with just my bridesmaid. Then there's this little niggling voice that says maybe my dad is all excited about giving me away (although he's not spoken to me once about the wedding since I got engaged), how do I let him down gently without hurting his feelings or, more importantly, avoid setting him into one of his rages. 

Lastly, I've been really clever and managed to pick a bridesmaid with an attitude problem. My plan had always been to have two bridesmaids - my best friend Kirsty, and my fiance's sister - but the sister is showing signs of being a bad choice. I thought that being a bridesmaid would be something exciting for her to do, as well as being a nice way to be involved with her brother's wedding, but she seems to have decided that it's her job to dictate what she will wear and do, and damned if I actually had a particular look I wanted for my own wedding! Apparently the bridesmaid dress is too short (it falls just below the knee), she doesn't like that it's strapless, she wants to wear fur (eeeeewwww), she'll be wearing trousers underneath any dress (!?), she doesn't want to walk down the aisle with me, and don't expect her to stay for the meal after. This is not helped by my fiance's mother agreeing with her and saying 'you don't have to do that if you don't want to''. Actually, the point of being a bridesmaid is that there are certain things you *have* to do, but you do them to help the bride make her wedding special. It's not like I'm asking her to wear a horrible gold, slutty dress, and forcing her to organise a hen night or something. All I'd like is for her to walk down the aisle with me in the nice dress I've picked out, holding a tiny bunch of flowers. But no, this is too much. So how exactly do you tell a bridesmaid that she's fired?  Seriously the whole thing is driving me mad.