Despite being gluten and wheat free (due to an intolerance) for four years, my digestive system still refuses to play ball. I can't have anything spicy, I can't have anything rich. Sometimes I just look at food and I can feel my insides cramping. Whatever's going on in there is certainly compounded by stress, and my stomach defines stress as 'going outside the house'. It's completely stupid.
Trying to get doctors to believe that I'm not making this all up is rather difficult, to say the least. When I mention my gluten intolerance and my tomato allergy, I get what I call the 'yeah right' face. In fact, watching them go from that face to a 'actually you have a point' is hysterical. In the end, I've been given the notorious dead-end diagnosis of IBS, which is essentially medical speak for 'we don't know what's wrong, please go away'. The attitude of doctors in this country is that, unless you're dead or in hospital with tubes coming out the wazoo, there's nothing wrong with you. At all. Ever.
So, finally, after four years, I've been allowed to see a dietician, and that's only with the help of private medical insurance. Her first question was 'do you take your gluten free diet seriously?' Oh no, not at all, I actually like making Jackson Pollock style paintings up the back of the toilet whilst it feels like my internal organs are leaking out. Facepalm. After going through the usual routine to convince her that I wasn't a time waster or someone on a fad diet, she recommended I go on an 'exclusion diet', where I cut out everything except the blandest, plainest, most boring food, in an effort to see what is causing my insides to behave so badly.
For the first two weeks, I'm only allowed fresh meat and fish (no pork), certain vegetables and fruits, rice, soya milk, ribena, and pineapple juice. That's it. No wheat (well duh), dairy produce, cups of tea, wine, chocolate, not even my ordinary gluten free bread (it's got corn in it). I can't even have a humble orange. I started the thing on Monday and the first three days have been tough. On Tuesday, I felt so feint and weak that I just lay down and cried for most of the afternoon. Things weren't helped by having another upset tummy, which is funny because the diet is meant to stop those. I had a bit more energy on Wednesday simply by following my mum's advice of putting sugar on my gluten-free rice krispies in the morning. My body obviously needs a certain amount of it to function by the looks of things. I'm already sick to the back teeth of rice cakes, as they're the only thing I'm allowed to snack on during the day. I'm constantly hungry. Michael isn't helping by eating delicious gooey burgers and ice-cream milkshakes right in front of me. I know I couldn't have the burger anyway, but at least I could think about having a nice gluten-free alternative. Now, I get to have another cardboard rice cake. What fun!
I'm in two minds as to wether I should re-introduce wheat into my food as the exclusion diet suggests. My original diagnosis as gluten intolerant was, to put it bluntly, more my own work than that of the doctor. Part of me wants to go through with eating bread and be ok, the last four years just be a mistake, and life to return to normal. I don't think there's one person with an allergy who doesn't dream of that. The other part of me is scared witless by the prospect of eating bread again. What if it isn't ok, and I end up in the bathroom for an entire day? Is it worth the risk to find out? I'm getting on alright with being gluten free, it's the tomato allergy that's the real bummer. I'm also worried that the two weeks of plain food won't actually help my insides, and I'll be told to carry on for another month. Or maybe it'll turn out that I can't have proper milk anymore. That'll be fun, being gluten and dairy free, that won't make me suicidal at all! I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens, as usual.
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